Something Missing (AKA Not Quite Right)
by Emily-Mel
Summary: Perfect evidence that I shouldn't be allowed near a lemon scene... some innuendo, a tiny bit of language, general weirdness


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Title: Not Quite Right…  
  
Author: M of M&Em-chan  
  
Category: humor  
  
Pairing: 1+2, sorta (I swore I wouldn't do a pure 1+2 or lemony stuff… times, they are a changing)  
  
Archive: you want it, ask & it's yours ^_^  
  
Warnings/labels/disclaimer: If you hate it & yell at me, I'll get over it. There's nothing really offensive floating around, so go ahead and read it. I only own the paper I wrote the first draft on & the compy I typed it on… I wish the bishies were mine, but they're not.  
  
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"I've had it. This little game ends here and now."  
  
Duo kicked the door shut, effectively squashing any hope Heero had of a normal retreat from the boarding school room. // There's always the window,// he thought, eyeing the tightly drawn curtains. // It's only four stories up, anyway.//  
  
"I want your body. It's clear that you want me. Give in now and I won't make you beg for it." Hitching his thumbs in his waistband, Duo leant back against the wall. His fingers tapped restlessly as what can only be described as an utterly lecherous look slid over his face. "Well, not too much…"  
  
// Oh, crap.//  
  
"Hn." Stalling for time while desperately formulating a fool-proof plan to evade once and for all not only a pink terror, but an overly amorous fellow pilot, Heero tried to surreptitiously edge away from the bed with his beloved laptop. Unfortunately, it was still plugged in a wall- socket and whirring contentedly.  
  
"Just some wild and hot monkey sex, that's all I'm getting at. None of that ridiculous 'relationship' garbage to screw it all up."  
  
Heero yanked on the extension cord (ruining the prongs and needlessly stressing the wires). It simply wouldn't come out! // Can't abandon data… must save 'Hello Kitty' wallpaper and theme…//  
  
Swaggering every inch of the way, Duo made his way to the regulation dormitory bed. Judging by the ravenous look in his eyes, the longhaired brunette wouldn't be put off with any excuse short of death. On second thought, not even that might stop him.  
  
**whimper** // I'm trapped! There's no other choice…// Heero summoned up every last bit of courage before gently placing the laptop out of the way on the floor. Lying back, he closed his eyes. // Only this once won't kill me… I think. //  
  
"Come and ravish me, you great big stallion. I want to feel you possessing me, body and soul," he monotonously recited from a half- remembered paperback novel. "Fill my quivering inner moistness with your rampant virility." He let his arms fall to the wayside, creating a crude and wanton cruciform.  
  
**blinkblink**  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Yeehaw!"  
  
**pounce**  
  
Plucking at unforgiving spandex, Duo purred as he crawled forward, licking the small bits of skin that were revealed in his preliminary explorations. "Mmm… salty-sweet with just a hint of gunpowder. How do you do that, Hee-chan? I don't think you've fired a gun in days…"  
  
He moaned slightly before resting both hands on either side of Heero's head. Fingers tangling in the unruly locks, he lowered himself until their heat merged from tremulous breath to the unbridled lust coursing through their groins.  
  
"Tell me how you like it, baby. Tell me all those kinky little thoughts you don't dare face in the harsh light of day," he whispered. The softest press of dry lips against shivering flesh before he once again turned his attention southward.  
  
Faster than he could believe it true, Heero found himself completely naked down to the waist. In that oh-so-husky yet flatly nasal voice of his, he declaimed, "take my nethermost desires for your keeping, prince of my heart."  
  
"No problem there, puddin'," Duo murmured as his tongue traced an abstract pattern down Heero's chest, busy hands still yanking at the stubborn waistband to reveal those "desires."  
  
With a snarl, he sat back on his heels and waved the shorts like a victory flag. However, from that vantage point one thing was glaringly evident… rather, it wasn't.  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
"Hmm?" Heero opened his eyes and rose up on his elbows. "Something wrong?"  
  
"Yeah… you, ya freak. You're not even human." The horror surpassed any passion in his voice, yet he was drawn back to the oddity. Duo ran his hand over the smooth skin. "It's completely missing--not even the slightest sign you were born with one…" He cocked a suspicious eye at the bewildered youth. "You were, right?"  
  
"If you must know," Heero began in a huff, "no, but if I had any idea people would react so badly, I would have insisted they installed it."  
  
"Install… what, J made you out of spare parts?"  
  
A laboured sigh as Heero batted away the questing hands. Perhaps now that the mood was shattered, he could be left alone for some quality time with his cherished computer. "Frankly, I never thought it was all that important."  
  
The full weight of the boy's last statement settled in Duo's mind. His jaw went slack and he tilted his head in amazement. "How could you---not important?!?" Flustered, he continued in starts and stops. "It's just nearly the most crucial part of this whole deal. I had huge plans for it later on---a little chocolate sauce, some marshmallow crème. Man, I was totally looking forward to it. Could nearly taste it and everything."  
  
Again came the exasperated sigh. "I'll talk to J about getting one next week, allright?"  
  
Duo finally pushed off the bed, re-buttoning his shirt, which had come partially undone during the grope-fest. "I… I can't even look at you without being completely disgusted. You're an Abomination." With that hissed parting shot, he stomped out of the room, slamming the door to.  
  
Heero sat up fully and pulled out the quietly beeping machine. "Mail." Paging through the messages, he reflects for a moment on the absurdity of the situation. // Why did he make such a big deal about it? It's just a belly-button. //  
  
~~Owari  
  
  
  
--I blame this whole freak show on too many doujinshi… most time they at least draw the belly-button, if not nipples—gotta love those details ^_^ One test-tube Hee-chan + too many sweets = insane ramblings 


End file.
